I wish I had something to share.
I wish I could say it gets better, but it doesn't. Your grief will never lessen, you will just learn to manage it better.
There will still be days, hours, minutes where you feel like you're drowning in grief, like it's just as fresh as the first moment. Let it happen. Let the waves wash over you. It feels like the tears will never stop, but they will. Your love will never stop, your grief will never stop.
I am so grateful for the new friendships I have made. They may be based on loss, but they are also based on love.
There is so much I am grateful for, even surrounding my daughter's silent birth.
I am grateful to be surrounded by the love of family and friends.
I am grateful that the nurse who delivered her, was so caring and did her best to take care of both Lucy and I.
I am grateful to have Lucy's memory box from the hospital - card with her footprints, hospital band, weight/length card.
I am grateful to Forever Footprints for being there at the exact right time.
I am grateful to the friends I have made, both virtual and in person, on this journey.
I am grateful that my experience might be helpful to another family.
The most powerful help for me has been the Forever Footprints Support Group. These are men and women (mostly women in my group) who have also lost babies.
Everyone wants to feel that they understand your pain....but think about what they say, "I can't imagine losing a child"....correct, you CAN'T imagine because the thought is too devastating.
In this group, we all KNOW the pain. While hearing each others stories is very emotional, it also brings us together. There is a sense of peace when you are with people who just "get it".
My babies sacred space, in physical form, is where I do the Wave of Light. In non-physical form, they are with me...in every thought and every action.
I wish I had been able to catch the guided meditation with Carly Marie.
I have tried meditating. Turning off electronics, concentrating on my breathing....but I find myself needing a distraction to keep from drowning in grief.
This loss has shaken me to my core.
I'm angry at God...I feel like I'm being punished...there are so many bad people in the world, why couldn't You take one of them...why my babies, who were innocent souls, who I've longed for so desperately.
At the same time, I keep my faith...I need to believe I'll see them again...that I will have the chance to hold them in my arms.
My daughter DID exist.
Just because you never met her, just because she never took a breath outside my body...she still existed.
Just because she doesn't have a birth certificate or death certificate...she still existed.
Just because it's easier for you to pretend she never was...she still existed.
Just because your heart doesn't ache like mine...she still existed.